Adam Bomb and the Anatomy of a Scene
John August recently posted a Superhero Scene Challenge on his blog. Writing a stand-alone scene seemed a nice break from the other writing I’m doing, so I whipped-up an entry using a character (Adam) that I’ve been playing in a Superhero RPG lately. It didn’t win, place or show (maybe because I got caught up in the fun of weriting it and wrote perhaps too long of a scene), but that’s fine because I enjoyed writing it, and I also decided to use my entry to discuss a bit about what I am trying to accomplish in the scene, and how I go about doing it.
I’m also using it to discuss a phenomenon common to all aspects of filmmaking, and all art: You can always find mistakes you’ve made, and think of ways to correct them, even after you think you’ve finished. There is a logic bug in the original scene that bothered me after I submitted it, even though I hadn’t really caught it during proofreading. And while it bothers me, and I’ve fixed it in the edited scene below, I could easily get away with it since it’s the kind of logic bump that is common throughout published Superhero writing: lack of clarity in the rules of the world can lead to what seem like inexplicable reversals of fortune. See if you catch it in reading the submitted scene:
EXT. OUTSIDE THE MUSEUM OF UBIQIUTIES – NIGHT
A POLICE CRUISER screeches to a halt in front of the massive building as stonework rains down onto the street.
An instant later, an ELEVATOR CAR slams into the front of the cruiser, spinning it completely around.
As BRICKHOUSE emerges from the wrecked Museum entryway, TWO COPS hop out of the wrecked cruiser and open fire.
Their bad luck.
Three Hells Angels wide and twice as mean, Brickhouse plucks the STROBE BAR off the roof of the Cruiser and
LINE DRIVES the Cops like big blue hardballs.
In his other hand, an Onyx SCEPTER courses with a visible pulse of DARK ENERGY.
Across the street, a DOZEN MAN S.W.A.T. TEAM hops out of their van and opens up FULL AUTO.
S.W.A.T. COMMANDER JONES, a real square-jaw stoic, is not one to let things get to him. But when he sees the Sceptre, it gets to him.
COMMANDER JONES
He’s got the Apocalypse Staff! Fall back! Take cover!
The S.W.A.T. men continue spraying rounds at Brickhouse as they fall back toward the buildings.
Brickhouse turns toward the annoyance. Swats the bullets away like a swarm of gnats. PUNTS the Cruiser into the side of the S.W.A.T. VAN.
Screaming CIVILIANS flee from the area as a laughing Brickhouse amuses himself by FLICKING the heads off parking meters and into the scattering S.W.A.T. men.
BRICKHOUSE
Brickhouse likes this game.
One S.W.A.T. MAN takes a meter head right in the helmet and collapses unconscious in front of the Commander.
COMMANDER JONES
(into chest mic)
Come in Adam! Brickhouse is at the Museum of Ubiquities. He’s got the – UNGHH!
JONES doubles-over as the head of a parking meter SLAMS him in the gut and propels him through the plate glass window of a nearby shop.
SIRENS fill the air as more COP CARS swarm into the area, disgorgingsh COPS left and right.
Brickhouse grins. Rips a LAMP POST from the ground and smacks it in the palm of his hand in anticipation.
The Cops ring the area. Guns blazing, they cover behind anything solid.
IN THE SKY
a whisper quiet WHITE HELICOPTER races toward the scene at incredible speed. The side door slides open.
BELOW
Brickhouse swats aside another Cop Car. Chuckles. He does like this game.
ADAM (O.S.)
Naughty naughty.
Brickhouse turns toward the voice and
KABOOM!
A sudden EXPLOSION sends Brickhouse flying into the stone wall.
As he shakes it off, Brickhouse looks on with curiosity as a man emerges from the cloud of smoke. The man unhooks a parachute harness and lets it fall away.
Clad in a white lab coat and goggles, ADAM BOMB looks like the scientist he is. But while most scientists labor to merely understand the nature of atomic structure, he has learned to manipulate it.
Arcs of WHITE ATOMIC ENERGY ride between Adam’s Einsteinian shocks of white hair like a Jacob’s Ladder.
As Adam reaches for the SCEPTRE, the DARK ENERGY pulses die down.
ADAM
Now what’s a big boy like you going to do with a little toy like that?
BRICKHOUSE
Brickhouse doesn’t like this game.
Brickhouse throws a haymaker at Adam. A moment before fist crunches face, Adam clasps his arms across his chest and
KABOOM!
Brickhouse is once more slammed into the building by the EXPLOSION emanating from Adam’s body.
Adam grabs for the Sceptre. But Brickhouse has recovered more quickly than anticipated. He pulls the scepter away. Adam clasps his arms across his chest and
A GUT PUNCH sends Adam flying towards a POLICE CAR.
Unfortunately for the occupants, Adam is dazed. Control over his power falters a moment too long.
KABOOM!
The BLAST rips a crater into the street. Sends the car tumbling into the side of a building.
Dozens of Cops open fire on Brickhouse. Enticed by more sport, Brickhouse advances on them.
Then he spots Adam climbing out of the crater.
Brickhouse decides to make a run for it. The ground shakes as he runs off down the street
PUNCHING his way through Cops and Cop Cars.
ADAM
runs after him. He reaches forward with his gloved had as if trying to grasp for the fleeing villian, but then
BRICKHOUSE
slows to a stop. Looks confused. Stares down at the road, which as turned into
MOLTEN STEEL and is quickly hardening around his massive legs.
Brickhouse, furious, tosses the Sceptre aside and starts POUNDING at the steel. He makes huge dents, but fails to free himself.
Adam picks up the Scepter.
ADAM
Fortunately, you don’t know how to use you new toy.
DR. DARKNESS (O.S.)
Unfortunately for you, I do.
The Sceptre begins to pulse frenetically. Sweat beads down Adam’s brow as he strains to maintain his grasp on it.
Adam punches a BUTTON on the DEVICE clipped to his belt, as he whips around to face
DR. DARKNESS, a menace far greater than his bald, bespectacled appearance would lead one to believe. When it comes to evil, Dr. Mengele’s got nothing on this guy. Jet black eyes match his jet black suit.
ADAM
Darkness. I figured you were his new keeper.
Dr. Darkness hurls a ball of DARK ENERGY at Adam, who is whisked out of the way just in time by
THE WHITE HELICOPTER
which is flying low and dragging a catch line. Adam clings to it
ADAM
Since you’re so fond of black, here’s a little gift.
Adam flips what looks like a jet black coin between Dr. Darkness and Brickhouse.
Dr. Darkness turns to annihilate the aircraft. But his DARK ENERGY RAY misses the chopper and blasts the corner off the building as he’s suddenly jerked backwards.
Darkness and Brickhouse find themselves being dragged towards
A TINY BLACK HOLE
It sucks-in newspaper boxes and parking meters. Then a parked car.
BRICKHOUSE
Doc! What’s happening?
DR. DARKNESS
(strained)
Idiot – Shut up – must – concentrate.
Darkness strains with exertion as he pumps a stream of DARK ENERGY at the singularity. Even with all this effort, he’s being slowly dragged towards it.
Brickhouse and his giant legirons are ripped from the asphalt. His huge hands rip apart the road as he struggles to avoid being dragged into oblivion.
A BURST OF BLACKNESS
and a fatigued Dr. Darkness collapses to the ground. He’s successfully annihilated the singularity.
Brickhouse thrashes about in a tantrum as resumes trying to tear the steel off his legs.
DR. DARKNESS
That black hole was just the right size to consume all my strength and then collapse. Adam Bomb will pay for this.
In his fit, Brickhouse smashes his steel clad legs into several nearby cars.
DR. DARKNESS
Brickhouse! Stop fooling around.
Darkness melts away Brickhouse’s steel bonds.
DR. DARKNESS
Get up. We’re going to pay a visit to The Spectre.
BRICKHOUSE
Brickhouse is afraid of The Spectre.
DR. DARKNESS
Sometimes you’re not a dumb as you look.
A cloud of DARK ENERGY engulfs the few brave Cops that have dared to approach the scene as Dr. Darkness and Brickhouse walk away down a desolate alleyway.
(Find the analysis “below the fold” if reading from the front page — i.e. click “continue reading.”)
The main thing I’m trying to do in this scene is write compelling action. The short action blocks, sometimes cut on key moments, keep a quick rhythm going. (I was inspired a bit by the style used in this excellent Michael Mann example from Heat.)
I tried to “keep the action tight” as John phrased it, and the main place I broke from that was in describing Adam and Dr. Darkness. I like “over” describing main characters, but don’t follow my example on that front — I seem to be the only one who likes it. In this instance, I especially like the fact that the description hints to a would-be Director to intro those characters with a “heroic hold.” Superhero films, I believe, ought to give the audience moments to cheer at the hero’s entrance and gasp at the villain’s.
Brickhouse’s intro, on the other hand, I find quite good if I may be so bold.
As BRICKHOUSE emerges from the wrecked Museum entryway, TWO COPS hop out of the wrecked cruiser and open fire.
Their bad luck.
“Their bad luck” is a bit of a Shane Black style aside. They’re not currently in-vogue, but I thought it helped set-up Brickhouse quite nicely — and hey, you never know when they might be in-vogue again.
Three Hells Angels wide and twice as mean,
I probably should have started his description here, to be fully compliant with current trends in character description, because this is concise (and if I may again be so bold, very vivid).
Brickhouse plucks the STROBE BAR off the roof of the Cruiser and
LINE DRIVES the Cops like big blue hardballs.
The first action he takes tells you what this battle between Brickhouse and the Cops is going to be like: utterly one sided. He can line drive cops like baseballs, for Pete’s sake.
a laughing Brickhouse amuses himself by FLICKING the heads off parking meters and into the scattering S.W.A.T. men.
BRICKHOUSE
Brickhouse likes this game.
Flicking the parking meter heads at the cops tells you important things about Brickhouse. It establishes that Brickhouse may be big and mean, but he’s also immature. To him, particularly against the Cops he completely outmatches, it’ s just a game. He’s not an evil killer (he’s pummeling the Cops, but not killing them like Dr. Darkness does later), he’s just selfish and (as his response to being trapped reveals) petulant. His intro says a lot about his character through action. The guy hardly speaks, but you know basically everything about him by the end of this scene.
Adam gets a long, Marvel-style hero introduction, a slick character emerging from chaos:
As he shakes it off, Brickhouse looks on with curiosity as a man emerges from the cloud of smoke. The man unhooks a parachute harness and lets it fall away.
Clad in a white lab coat and goggles, ADAM BOMB looks like the scientist he is. But while most scientists labor to merely understand the nature of atomic structure, he has learned to manipulate it.
Arcs of WHITE ATOMIC ENERGY ride between Adam’s Einsteinian shocks of white hair like a Jacob’s Ladder.
To me, this is the least successful part of the scene, because it doesn’t say all that much about Adam in terms of personality — only that he’s powerful and confident. On the other hand, that’s the introduction of a lot of Superheroes. Still, dock points for being less than original here.
We learn moments later, however, that Adam is pretty quick and shrewd as well as cocky and powerful.
As Adam reaches for the SCEPTRE, the DARK ENERGY pulses die down.
ADAM
Now what’s a big boy like you going to do with a little toy like that?
BRICKHOUSE
Brickhouse doesn’t like this game.
Brickhouse throws a haymaker at Adam. A moment before fist crunches face, Adam clasps his arms across his chest and
KABOOM!
Brickhouse is once more slammed into the building by the EXPLOSION emanating from Adam’s body.
What we don’t find out is his flaw, or anything about his backstory. Dr. Darkness should perhaps have pummeled him a big and commented on it, before Adam’s daring escape, but I didn’t really feel it fit into this scene. If this were a whole script, that sort of stuff would be in other scenes.
I did clean-up his intro a bit in the edit below, and if I’d set-up more of his backstory with earlier scenes, I’d give him one or two more poignant (and character revealing) lines. In terms of character, though, this scene is more Brickhouse’s than Adam’s. Adam and Doc are still important in the scene, and if this were a full script (maybe someday it will be) they’d be more important in the overall film, but this scene would be Brickhouse’s moment in the script (though not exactly the finest moment in his career as a supervillain).
Every scene should develop character, and this one does to varying degrees for all three supers, but it does it more through the action than dialog. The dialog is this scene is not particularly deep. But I’m ok with that (though I did clean it up a bit in the edit). Last I checked, people don’t really say anything all that deep in the middle of a fight anyway (in fact, outside of the world of hero fiction, it appears that they mainly just grunt a lot). What each super does is more important that what they say.
The scene itself actually has a structure, not unlike the three act structure of a whole script. All good scenes do. The idea is for the scene to have an arc, but to also end in such a way that you want to find out what happens in the next scenes. So you want your scene to have a rise in the action / tension / stakes, a peak, and then a resolution of the scene moment — but then, unlike the resolution of a whole script (usually), to exit on a question that leaves the reader wanting to know more. Here’s what this scene looks like in 3 “acts”:
- Brickhouse has the upper hand versus the cops. He’s pretty rough, but nobody’s getting killed. Still, he’s got the MacGuffin. He’s going to get away with it, until…
- Adam arrives on the scene. They fight, Adam and turns the tables on Brickhouse. But just as it seems like he’s won, Dr. Darkness arrives and imperils Adam. He’s doing something that Adam is having a hard time withstanding (he strains against the Scepter as the Doc does his thing), and he’s about to annihilate him when…
- Adam turns the tables on Dr. Darkness. He not only escapes, but he weakens the Doc. He and Brickhouse barely make it out alive.
Because I wrote the scene with the idea that it was a scene, and not a whole story, it also ends on a cliffhanger that adds rising tension: Who is The Scepter and does that mean Our Hero is now in even worse danger? That’s bad, because he just barely defeated Dr. Darkness — he had to chuck a black hole at him to get away.
As for the logic bug, the real problem is what Dr. Darkness says.
DR. DARKNESS
That black hole was just the right size to consume all my strength and then collapse. Adam Bomb will pay for this.
He claims the black hole drained all his energy, but then he goes on to melt the steel off Brickhouse’s legs and engulf several cops in a cloud of Dark Energy. Obviously, it didn’t drain all his energy. But it did drain him enough that (a) Adam was able to escape, and (b) he needs to go see the Scepter in order to continue with his evil plan (whatever it may be).
I didn’t want Adam to have done something truly evil, so I wanted to explain away the idea that he endangered innocent bystanders with his black hole gambit. This made it essential to me that the Doctor to explain what happened and why Adam wasn’t about to kill a bunch of folks — he knew that Darkness would defeat the black hole before it did real damage. Darkness ostensibly explains this to his denser compatriot, though really he explains it to the reader (exposition is a particularly necessary evil in fantasy, sci-fi and superhero stories). And while the full workings of the Apocalypse Staff are intended to be a mystery in this scene, I decided to make clear that Dr. Darkness has at least one clear use for it in my fix. So here’s the fix:
DR. DARKNESS
That black hole was just big enough to weaken me before it collapsed. Without my Apocalypse Staff, I need another way to regain my full strength.
Darkness stands. Dusts himself off. He’s down, but not out.
DR. DARKNESS
Adam Bomb will pay for this.
So he’s not at full strength, but he still has enough left to melt steel and dispatch the Cops. And it’s important that he does, because it tells you that he’s powerful enough to be a real threat to the hero. This guy can collapse a black hole with his Dark Energy and still have enough left to simply brush-aside mere mortals (even in groups). You’d believe this guy is a threat, and if he’s a threat, this Spectre must be a real badass. The idea is to leave the scene with rising tension. I want the reader to believe that Adam is still in serious danger — he may have won the battle, but the war is not necessarily going in his favor.
Finally, here’s a full edited version, with the logic bug fixed. I didn’t make it shorter — I think it’s a pretty good length for what the scene is.
EXT. OUTSIDE THE MUSEUM OF UBIQIUTIES – NIGHT
A POLICE CRUISER screeches to a halt in front of the massive building as stonework rains down onto the street.
An instant later, an ELEVATOR CAR slams into the front of the cruiser, spinning it completely around.
As BRICKHOUSE emerges from the wrecked Museum entryway, TWO COPS hop out of the wrecked cruiser and open fire.
Their bad luck.
Three Hells Angels wide and twice as mean, Brickhouse plucks the STROBE BAR off the roof of the Cruiser and
LINE DRIVES the Cops like big blue hardballs.
In his other hand, an Onyx SCEPTER courses with a visible pulse of DARK ENERGY.
Across the street, a DOZEN MAN S.W.A.T. TEAM hops out of their van and opens up FULL AUTO.
S.W.A.T. COMMANDER JONES, a real square-jaw stoic, is not one to let things get to him. But when he sees the Sceptre, it gets to him.
COMMANDER JONES
He’s got the Apocalypse Staff! Fall back! Take cover!
The S.W.A.T. men continue spraying rounds at Brickhouse as they fall back toward the buildings.
Brickhouse turns toward the annoyance. Swats the bullets away like a swarm of gnats. PUNTS the Cruiser into the side of the S.W.A.T. VAN.
Screaming CIVILIANS flee from the area as
a laughing Brickhouse amuses himself by FLICKING the heads off parking meters and into the scattering S.W.A.T. men.
BRICKHOUSE
Brickhouse likes this game.
One S.W.A.T. MAN takes a meter head right in the helmet and collapses unconscious in front of the Commander.
COMMANDER JONES
(into chest mic)
Come in Adam! Brickhouse is at the Museum of Ubiquities. He’s got the – UNGHH!
JONES doubles-over as the head of a parking meter SLAMS him in the gut and hapropels him through the plate glass window of a nearby shop.
SIRENS fill the air as more COP CARS swarm into the area, disgorging COPS left and right.
Brickhouse grins. Rips a LAMP POST from the ground and smacks it in the palm of his hand in anticipation.
The Cops ring the area. Guns blazing, they take cover behind anything solid.
IN THE SKY
a whisper quiet WHITE HELICOPTER races toward the scene at incredible speed. The jump door slides open.
BELOW
Brickhouse swats aside another Cop Car. Chuckles. He does like this game.
ADAM (O.S.)
Naughty naughty.
Brickhouse turns toward the voice and
KABOOM!
A sudden EXPLOSION sends Brickhouse flying into the stone wall.
As he shakes it off, Brickhouse looks on with curiosity as a man emerges from the cloud of smoke. The man unhooks a parachute harness and lets it fall away.
Clad in white lab coat and goggles ADAM BOMB is a genuine scientist, and now he’s mad.
Arcs of WHITE ATOMIC ENERGY ride between Adam’s Einsteinian shocks of white hair like a Jacob’s Ladder.
ADAM
What’s a big boy like you doing with a little toy like that?
As Adam reaches for the SCEPTRE, the DARK ENERGY pulses die down.
BRICKHOUSE
Brickhouse doesn’t like this game.
Brickhouse throws a haymaker at Adam. A moment before fist crunches face, Adam clasps his arms across his chest and
KABOOM!
Brickhouse is once more slammed into the building by the EXPLOSION emanating from Adam’s body.
Adam reaches for the Sceptre. But Brickhouse has recovered more quickly than anticipated. He pulls the scepter away. Adam clasps his arms across his chest and
A GUT PUNCH sends Adam flying towards a POLICE CAR.
Unfortunately for the occupants, Adam is dazed. Control over his power falters a moment too long.
KABOOM!
The BLAST rips a crater into the street. Sends the car tumbling into the side of a building.
Dozens of Cops open fire on Brickhouse. Enticed by more sport, Brickhouse advances on them.
Then he spots Adam climbing out of the crater.
Brickhouse decides to make a run for it. The ground shakes as he runs off down the street
HIS FEET shattering the pavement beneath, Brickhouse
PUNCHES his way through Cops and Cop Cars.
ADAM
runs after him. Reaches forward with his gloved hand as if trying to grasp for the fleeing villian, and then
BRICKHOUSE
slows to a stop. Looks confused. Stares down at the road, which as turned into
MOLTEN STEEL and is quickly hardening around his massive legs.
Brickhouse, furious, tosses the Sceptre aside and starts
POUNDING at the steel. He makes huge dents, but fails to free himself.
Adam picks up the Scepter.
ADAM
Fortunately, you don’t know how to use you new toy.
DR. DARKNESS (O.S.)
Unfortunately for you, I do.
The Sceptre begins to pulse frenetically with DARK ENERGY as the Doc reaches out towards it. Sweat beads down Adam’s brow as he strains to maintain his grasp on it.
ADAM
Darkness. Didn’t know you had the guts to fight your own battles.
Adam CLENCHES the Sceptre with all his might
punches a BUTTON on the DEVICE clipped to his belt, as he whips around to face
DR. DARKNESS, a menace far greater than his bald, bespectacled appearance would lead one to believe. When it comes to evil, Dr. Mengele’s got nothing on this guy. Jet black eyes match his jet black suit.
Dr. Darkness hurls a ball of DARK ENERGY at Adam, who is whisked out of the way just in time by
THE WHITE HELICOPTER
which is flying low and dragging a catch line. Adam clings to it.
ADAM
Since you’re so fond of black, I brought you a little gift.
Adam flips what looks like a jet black coin between Dr. Darkness and Brickhouse as
Dr. Darkness turns to annihilate the helicopter.
But his DARK ENERGY RAY misses the chopper and blasts the corner off the building as he’s suddenly jerked backwards.
Darkness and Brickhouse find themselves being dragged towards
A TINY BLACK HOLE
It sucks-in newspaper boxes and parking meters. Then a parked car.
BRICKHOUSE
Doc! What’s happening?
DR. DARKNESS
(strained)
Must – concentrate.
Darkness strains with exertion as he pumps a stream of DARK ENERGY at the singularity. Even with all this effort, he’s being slowly dragged towards it.
Brickhouse and his giant legirons are TORN from the asphalt. His huge hands RIP APART the road as he struggles to avoid being dragged into oblivion.
A BURST OF BLACKNESS
and a fatigued Dr. Darkness collapses to the ground. He’s successfully annihilated the singularity.
Brickhouse thrashes about in a tantrum as resumes trying to tear the steel off his legs.
DR. DARKNESS
That black hole was just big enough to weaken me before it collapsed. Without my Apocalypse Staff, I need another way to regain my full strength.
Darkness stands. Dusts himself off. He’s down, but not out.
DR. DARKNESS
Adam Bomb will pay for this.
In his fit, Brickhouse smashes his steel clad legs into several nearby cars.
DR. DARKNESS
Brickhouse! Stop fooling around.
Darkness melts away Brickhouse’s steel bonds.
DR. DARKNESS
Get up. We’re going to pay a visit to The Spectre.
BRICKHOUSE
Brickhouse is afraid of The Spectre.
DR. DARKNESS
Sometimes you’re not a dumb as you look.
A cloud of DARK ENERGY engulfs the few brave Cops that have dared to approach the scene as Dr. Darkness and Brickhouse walk away down a desolate alleyway.
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